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Heather_x0x0's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 03/08/2011 at 8:15pm / United States (California) / Geek
Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML
by milkndstufff / 03/06/2011 at 7:50pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I informed my grandparents of my upcoming graduation from college. My grandma looked at me with tears in her eyes, and told me how proud she was that I was able to make it so far in spite of being autistic. I am not, nor have I ever been autistic. FML
by Acesup111 / 03/02/2011 at 12:24am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
by Anon. / 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by roadkill / 02/28/2011 at 10:50am / United States / Transportation
Today, I lost a glove while snowboarding. I got off my board to find it, when a bunch of kids took the opportunity to kick my snowboard down the hill, while yelling "Run, Forrest, run!" as I frantically chased after it. FML
by gumpy / 02/25/2011 at 3:37pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
by justmyluck? / 02/17/2011 at 10:02pm / Miscellaneous
by catlady1989 / 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…