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Haz3lmarie

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Haz3lmarie

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  • Number of visits : 1568
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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50 favourites

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Haz3lmarie's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

#20624343
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63382) - you deserved it (14249)

On 04/27/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML

#20622674
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73094) - you deserved it (10057)

On 04/26/2013 at 5:17am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

#20618965
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49111) - you deserved it (27645)

On 04/24/2013 at 6:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

#20618481
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56867) - you deserved it (12741)

On 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm - misc - by Skyler - United States

Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML

#20618145
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41396) - you deserved it (16038)

On 04/24/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81289) - you deserved it (4207)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

#20615252
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65453) - you deserved it (4216)

On 04/23/2013 at 4:17am - love - by mybossisanass (woman) - United States

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32752) - you deserved it (112185)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

#20612533
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68454) - you deserved it (4842)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:58am - love - by Stupid (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

#20607466
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49354) - you deserved it (6444)

On 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

#20605608
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54787) - you deserved it (6852)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm - kids - by reyoflight (man) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

#20605100
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42942) - you deserved it (6753)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

#20604478
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52393) - you deserved it (4086)

On 04/19/2013 at 7:44am - misc - by pleasekillme (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

#20599244
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49915) - you deserved it (8183)

On 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by my dumb bro - United States (Arkansas)

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

#20598564
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65850) - you deserved it (12651)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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