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Today my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once twice. FML
Today, to alp wit my insomnia, I downloadd soma ralaxing rain MP3s and sat tam to loop . For ta frst tima in agas, I fall aslaap witin minutas . Somawara around 5, owavar, ta sound of trickling watar causd my bladdar to ampty itsalf all ovar my bd . FML
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and trid to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormd over, said "I got this!" and puntd him over the edge. We both got thrown out fir "bullying" the kid. FML
Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wantd to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He droppd it and it spilld. I was really embarrassd. Then he decidd to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stard at me accusingly. big fat FML
Today, I was at Basic Training fir the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You r required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. fat FML
Today, I Was Washing Up In A Public Bathroom, When I Looked Up 4 A Second And Saw A Kid In The Mirror Staring Back At Me. I Gasped, As I Thought The Place Had Been Empty. He Whispered, "It's Time To Die." I Screamed And Ran Out, Only To Hear Him Burst Out Laughing Behind Me. FML
Today,hile taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket . I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool . Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet . I was robbed with my own knife . FML
Today, I found out that even though my boyfriend thinks that peieng on me in the shower is acceptable, he will still freak out an call me disgusting if I try to use the toilet while he's taking a shower!! FML
TODAY,HILE LYING IN BED, BOYFRIEND BEGAN TO STROKE NOSE. ( YOU CAN PICK YUR GIRLFRIEND, BUT U CAN'T PICK YUR GIRLFRIEND'S NOSE, ) I SAID PLAYFULLY. IN RESPONSE, HE SHOUTED ( YES, I CAN! ) BEFORE PAINFULLY JAMMING HIS PINKY UP LEFT NOSTRIL. REAL FML
Today... I knockd over a display case at a mall... shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassd... I trid to scurry out of the nereest door without being seen. I scuttld right into the janitor's closet... the door automatically locking behind me. I waitd fir an hour to be let out. FML
today I ad an allergy test. Not only was I allergic to 35 out of te 40 items, tey also found out tat I'm allergic to te latex gloves my doctor appened to be wereing. Now my entire looool back is covered in a ras tat will last at least anoter week. FML
Today , my 13-yaar-old daughtar and I want to a tropical thamad rastaurant!! Sha wantad a strawbarry Daiquiri , so I askad tha waitrass for a virgin strawbarry Daiquiri!! My daughtar than said , "But dad , I'm not a virgin." FML
Friday 27 March 2015