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Haidawg's FML badges
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
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Haidawg's favorite FMLs
Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML
by Anonymous / 03/01/2014 at 1:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by aarong / 02/10/2014 at 1:42am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
by Unknown / 02/07/2014 at 9:18am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML
by Sleepless / 02/03/2014 at 8:29am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML
by CatBlock / 01/31/2014 at 1:16am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm / Puerto Rico / Love
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
by mom / 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 10:43am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML
by MM / 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, after three weeks of fighting with my husband, I found out that he really didn't create an account on a website for cheaters and charge the bill to his credit card. Our daughter did it as a prank, and only confessed because our fighting was stressing her out. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 1:16pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML
by SqueakingRetard / 01/17/2014 at 6:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by jseid2 / 01/15/2014 at 12:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML
by owl + bungee cord / 01/07/2014 at 3:38pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy