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About HSSN19 : Apparently, I'm a cynical-yet-compassionate robot.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML
I agree, your life sucks (7240) - you deserved it (3040)
On 05/20/2012 at 11:03am - health - by jcdc - United States (Texas)
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4626) - you deserved it (529)
On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)
Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5089) - you deserved it (1347)
On 05/10/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by tinydancer (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5464) - you deserved it (1617)
On 05/07/2012 at 10:52pm - money - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8525) - you deserved it (6063)
On 01/04/2012 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my mom scolded me for not taking driving lessons already. This comes a few days after she told me that, "Allowing teenagers to drive is just another way of thinning out the gene pool". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18572) - you deserved it (1916)
On 07/23/2011 at 5:50pm - misc - by Norah (woman) - United States
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked passed my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24913) - you deserved it (1955)
On 07/08/2011 at 12:20am - intimacy - by chumleevil - United States (Maine)
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to pick my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24039) - you deserved it (3601)
On 06/28/2011 at 12:10pm - misc - by Qwerty - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28892) - you deserved it (2001)
On 06/02/2011 at 9:44pm - work - by corn - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12297) - you deserved it (19205)
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26141) - you deserved it (7499)
On 08/18/2010 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by XxMe123xx - Sent from mobile version
Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10787) - you deserved it (39945)
On 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm - intimacy - by reckless (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23432) - you deserved it (4123)
On 07/16/2010 at 3:38pm - misc - by apple (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)
Today, I found out the mature woman I had a one-night-stand with six weeks ago, is six weeks pregnant. I'm 21, she's 52. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9475) - you deserved it (27913)
On 02/26/2010 at 6:22am - intimacy - by Capt_Hammer (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20124) - you deserved it (1589)
On 02/18/2010 at 7:44pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
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