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HB791

Offline (the 12/12/2014 at 3:46pm) | Search for a member

HB791

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  • Number of visits : 407
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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HB791's page activity

Visits<b>twinny_sc</b> - the 08/30/2013 at 1:28pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 7:56am

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HB791's favorite FMLs

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

#21237562
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35401) - you deserved it (5018)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

#21196202
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45917) - you deserved it (26189)

On 07/02/2014 at 1:01pm - intimacy - by boob sisters (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46436) - you deserved it (6561)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55038) - you deserved it (27646)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

#20820496
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68392) - you deserved it (9015)

On 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

#20814697
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59021) - you deserved it (10570)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by father of the year - United States

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

#20810087
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51392) - you deserved it (11694)

On 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

#20804720
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65000) - you deserved it (6592)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by awkward (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

#20774202
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46898) - you deserved it (3309)

On 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm - misc - by my honest father - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

#20773595
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76157) - you deserved it (3705)

On 07/10/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Wtf (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

#20188881
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20463) - you deserved it (7855)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:06am - health - by WTFFAIL (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today my boyfriend and my best friend had a very lengthy, detailed conversation about Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, of which I know nothing about. Once they stopped, I looked at him and smiled, and he responded with, "Why can't you be more like her?" FML

#20183421
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26655) - you deserved it (7958)

On 11/28/2012 at 11:33pm - love - by JStein (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

#20106351
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37313) - you deserved it (12420)

On 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by Unfortunate (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned that my son goes on online chat rooms and has sexual fantasy role-play. To make matters worse, the characters he uses are from My Little Pony. FML

#20009087
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30085) - you deserved it (4002)

On 08/08/2012 at 4:02am - intimacy - by FMLMom - United States (California)

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

#20003323
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28725) - you deserved it (6012)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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