About Grootensliven : I like monsters Lamborghini hockey and mountain biking.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16976) - you deserved it (958)
On 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21222) - you deserved it (2164)
On 10/17/2012 at 2:22am - misc - by bastardchild_01 (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18618) - you deserved it (1270)
On 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13978) - you deserved it (4133)
On 09/24/2012 at 10:33am - kids - by smashed (man) - United States
Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22634) - you deserved it (2451)
On 09/21/2012 at 12:51am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22360) - you deserved it (1208)
On 09/19/2012 at 1:02pm - misc - by jitiizer (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)
Today, I went for my follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He walked into the room and said, "I thought you died." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20125) - you deserved it (1041)
On 09/17/2012 at 7:25am - health - by Missusluv313 (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29380) - you deserved it (7936) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by thekriss - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24379) - you deserved it (6201)
On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29495) - you deserved it (2909) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 08/02/2012 at 9:00am - love - by opinaise - France (Midi-Pyrenees)
Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13455) - you deserved it (17790)
On 07/20/2012 at 6:20am - kids - by great - New Zealand (Waikato)
Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13455) - you deserved it (17790)
On 07/20/2012 at 6:20am - kids - by great - New Zealand (Waikato)
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13020) - you deserved it (25555)
On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6407) - you deserved it (16807)
On 07/05/2012 at 11:31pm - animals - by ambushcat - United States
Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24915) - you deserved it (2166)
On 07/03/2012 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Monday 20 May 2013
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