Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About GraveRobber14 : Hola ^_^ I hate grammar nazis and honestly don't give a crap if I misspell something so don't bother me about it losers :D guys 16-20 kik me @ graverobber15. I have a twisted sense of humor and absolutely love music (metallica, hatebreed, mayday parade, hollywood undead, skillet, and breaking benjamin to name some stuff) and hockey (GO FLYERS) and reading and pot smoking occasionally...oh and I FUCKING LOVE HUGS!! Oh sorry got a little excited there....didn't mean to but I'm not gonna promise it won't happen again. I'm short for my age at 4'11 which make my hugs that much more fun and am currently in love with my boyfriend, a skater :)....oh and if I post a comment that you don't like BACK THE FUCK OFF BECAUSE I DONT GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK :D and I hate when people take their pathetic lives out on me. Honestly I don't care. AmberSweet123456@yahoo.com
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML
Friday 18 July 2014