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Googolman's FML badges
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Googolman's favorite FMLs
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2012 at 4:19pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by scooter922 / 07/15/2012 at 3:45am / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 4:10pm / Nigeria (Lagos) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
by I_Has_A_Fishy / 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad got drunk and played a practical joke on me; a practical joke that resulted in my knee being broken. Now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed all alone while my dad hunts for "hot nurses". FML
by justhelpful / 07/02/2012 at 1:44pm / Austria (Tirol) / Health
Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML
by bob / 06/29/2012 at 4:47am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
by amidreaming?? / 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML
by Rohirus / 06/07/2012 at 7:09pm / Sweden / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2012 at 1:41pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
by obtuse_ballsack / 06/04/2012 at 4:37pm / Croatia (Grad Zagreb) / Kids
Today, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML
by ilovezim29 / 06/03/2012 at 3:45am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/31/2012 at 6:22am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous