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Goldzilluh's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
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I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Goldzilluh's favorite FMLs
by Ballsy427 / 07/25/2014 at 8:05am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Work
by ThunderThighs / 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by f.a.t. / 10/04/2013 at 4:20am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by anon / 09/09/2013 at 11:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 6:46pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Intimacy
Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML
by turning red / 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
by awkward / 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML
by notenoughunderwearintheworld / 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 3:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm / United States (Utah) / Kids
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by future brain bleach addict / 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 11:20am / United States / Miscellaneous
by lonely / 04/14/2013 at 11:45pm / United States / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…