About Goldenfire : Hey FML users, it's me, Goldenfire. I am pretty wise for my age. Want to learn more about me? Don't make me feel alone, message me!
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Goldenfire's favorite FMLs
by dabull / 04/27/2013 at 1:02am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML
by fuck you walmart / 04/26/2013 at 6:03pm / United States / Work
Today, I was denounced for being a terrible person, because my family raises chickens, some of which we eat. I was then told how cruel I am for "killing innocent birds" and that "good" people buy their meat from the supermarket. FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2013 at 2:01pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2013 at 10:50am / United States / Transportation
Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML
by revan546 / 04/26/2013 at 9:23am / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML
by LibraryPedo / 04/25/2013 at 9:37pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was driving when I noticed that the guy in front was on the phone. I pulled up next to him, pulled out my phone and I made a gesture that he needed to put his phone away. It was a cop. I got a ticket for driving while on my cell phone. FML
by really_now / 04/25/2013 at 8:56pm / United States (Nevada) / Transportation
by emma_waters23 / 04/25/2013 at 8:11pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2013 at 4:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by justgivemethed / 04/25/2013 at 3:55am / United States (California) / Work
Today, my 15-year-old brother got busted for selling pills at school. The officer said they were reddish pink, so we searched the house for that kind of pill. Turns out it was my dog's medicine from over 4 years ago. FML
by kkt / 04/25/2013 at 12:54am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Love
Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
by Skyler / 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by fiercehawk / 04/24/2013 at 2:23am / United States (Indiana) / Health
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…