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Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21301) - you deserved it (1862)
On 09/14/2011 at 7:20pm - animals - by Twitchy (man) - Bahamas (New Providence)
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71624) - you deserved it (9143)
On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I approached my daughter and told her she needs to clean her room. Her response was, "Thank you Captain Obvious." She's 4. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21452) - you deserved it (7074)
On 09/05/2011 at 1:04pm - kids - by kidswithnomanners (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23128) - you deserved it (2810)
On 09/02/2011 at 12:31pm - love - by Harry Dare - United Kingdom (Walsall)
Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29374) - you deserved it (3955)
On 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by mannydanny (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)
Today, while bitching some girl out for spilling coffee all over me, she looks at me with accepting eyes and says after I'd finished, "I can understand your anger, big girls like you get grumpy when they're hungry." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9727) - you deserved it (30557)
On 08/28/2011 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I have a "drinking problem". She says I don't drink enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25991) - you deserved it (3916)
On 08/24/2011 at 7:34am - love - by fmlTGOD - United States
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27053) - you deserved it (3321)
On 08/20/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by W1D0 - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19121) - you deserved it (8243)
On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)
Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21971) - you deserved it (2345)
On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31173) - you deserved it (2512)
On 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm - misc - by creepedoutlady - United States
Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24525) - you deserved it (2571)
On 08/14/2011 at 3:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14449) - you deserved it (22950)
On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)
Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36871) - you deserved it (5665)
On 08/12/2011 at 3:44am - animals - by squishylog - United States (California)
Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17775) - you deserved it (2614)
On 08/08/2011 at 10:12am - misc - by MissArizona (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Monday 20 May 2013
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