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Global_User

Offline (the 11/14/2014 at 7:22pm) | Search for a member

Global_User

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 755
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Global_User : Hi. I'm a Mormon Brony who is into Top Gear, music (Especially Nirvana & Pearl Jam), and writing. That's it. Message me if you want, I just may not get back to you right away.

Global_User's page activity

Visits<b>Capriciousfox</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 11:39pm<b>cassablanca91</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 6:53am<b>Cherryta</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 2:19pm<b>Logan124</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 3:12am<b>Tezoma</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 3:21pm<b>EmiliaB</b> - the 05/10/2014 at 2:32pm<b>sandracore</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 4:52pm<b>socoldmusic13</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 10:33pm<b>Lilybreeze</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 4:57pm<b>skittycat213</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 2:52pm<b>ashleyhalla</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 11:54pm<b>zandalee</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 3:57am<b>sarah1024</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 7:35am<b>GreenBeast</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 1:59pm<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 02/27/2014 at 8:01am<b>catella</b> - the 02/18/2014 at 6:12pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 02/16/2014 at 11:27pm<b>SwimmingBassist</b> - the 02/12/2014 at 11:26pm

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Global_User's favorite FMLs

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

#21127873
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49535) - you deserved it (4523)

On 05/01/2014 at 10:17am - animals - by Felicityfrank (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of three years. I worked my ass off planning everything down to a T. It seemed perfect, until I actually proposed, at which point I was rejected and dumped, in front of my family, friends and two coworkers. FML

#21126146
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49622) - you deserved it (5253)

On 04/29/2014 at 10:18am - love - by willstaysingle (man) -

Today, at work, I served a group of three teens. Their tab was $75 and they tipped me nothing. They wrote a thank you on a piece of receipt paper, put it in a glass of water and used a coaster to turn the glass of water upside down on the table, spilling water everywhere. They also stole my pen. FML

#21125158
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49754) - you deserved it (3989)

On 04/28/2014 at 9:35am - work - by brerj09 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

#21123602
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35311) - you deserved it (4956)

On 04/26/2014 at 3:55pm - misc - by fuckingfloridahowihatethee (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

#21122867
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49851) - you deserved it (9954)

On 04/25/2014 at 5:21pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

#21115090
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50184) - you deserved it (4225)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

#21113974
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38343) - you deserved it (11441)

On 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm - work - by sad but true. - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

#21111720
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41215) - you deserved it (4060)

On 04/13/2014 at 5:33am - love - by Ticklish - United States (Iowa)

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

#21109873
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52329) - you deserved it (5199)

On 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by freakedout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65290) - you deserved it (32682)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

#21108537
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23415) - you deserved it (37797)

On 04/09/2014 at 1:50pm - love - by BabyButt - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML

#21104331
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42527) - you deserved it (4147)

On 04/04/2014 at 10:17am - kids - by AshleyP - United Kingdom

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

#21103666
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56819) - you deserved it (3937)

On 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm - love - by wiona (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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