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Global_User

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Global_User
  • Town/Country : Murphy TX, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 114
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Global_User : Hi. I'm a Mormon Brony who is into Top Gear, music (Especially Nirvana & Pearl Jam), and writing. That's it. Message me if you want, I just may not get back to you right away.

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Global_User's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

#21115090
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38673) - you deserved it (3038)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

#21113974
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33111) - you deserved it (9318)

On 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm - work - by sad but true. - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

#21111720
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35329) - you deserved it (3307)

On 04/13/2014 at 5:33am - love - by Ticklish - United States (Iowa)

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

#21109873
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40089) - you deserved it (3510)

On 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by freakedout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58358) - you deserved it (27989)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed hysterically. FML

#21108537
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20106) - you deserved it (33838)

On 04/09/2014 at 1:50pm - love - by BabyButt - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML

#21104331
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39547) - you deserved it (3604)

On 04/04/2014 at 10:17am - kids - by AshleyP - United Kingdom

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

#21103666
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51152) - you deserved it (3232)

On 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm - love - by wiona (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML

#21096936
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38944) - you deserved it (3576)

On 03/26/2014 at 2:00pm - misc - by husbands addiction - United States (California)

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

#21073837
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37678) - you deserved it (3338)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:06am - kids - by Ohgodmother (man) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, I was told I pull the "whole grunge look" off quite well. I don't dress "grunge", nor was that my intention. FML

#21071401
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28928) - you deserved it (4364)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:59pm - misc - by ashleylynn17 (woman) -

Today, I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" FML

#20988740
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42121) - you deserved it (9877)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:33am - work - by mariology (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60832) - you deserved it (4211)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML

#20940283
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38604) - you deserved it (7827)

On 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm - kids - by anna (woman) - United States (Mississippi)



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