Global_User

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Offline (the 11/14/2014 at 7:22pm)

Global_User

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2112
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Global_User : Hi. I'm a Mormon Brony who is into Top Gear, music (Especially Nirvana & Pearl Jam), and writing. That's it. Message me if you want, I just may not get back to you right away.

Global_User's page activity

Visits<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/12/2016 at 5:01pm<b>Capriciousfox</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 11:39pm<b>cassablanca91</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 6:53am<b>Cherryta</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 2:19pm<b>Logan124</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 3:12am<b>Tezoma</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 3:21pm<b>EmiliaB</b> - the 05/10/2014 at 2:32pm<b>sandracore</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 4:52pm<b>socoldmusic13</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 10:33pm<b>Lilybreeze</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 4:57pm<b>skittycat213</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 2:52pm<b>ashleyhalla</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 11:54pm<b>zandalee</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 3:57am<b>sarah1024</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 7:35am<b>GreenBeast</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 1:59pm<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 02/27/2014 at 8:01am<b>catella</b> - the 02/18/2014 at 6:12pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 02/16/2014 at 11:27pm

Fucked!<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/12/2016 at 10:55pm

Global_User's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of Global_User's badges

Global_User's favorite FMLs

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

by KristaAaronn / 08/27/2014 at 8:24am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

by Felicityfrank / 05/01/2014 at 10:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of three years. I worked my ass off planning everything down to a T. It seemed perfect, until I actually proposed, at which point I was rejected and dumped, in front of my family, friends and two coworkers. FML

by willstaysingle / 04/29/2014 at 10:18am / Love

Today, at work, I served a group of three teens. Their tab was $75 and they tipped me nothing. They wrote a thank you on a piece of receipt paper, put it in a glass of water and used a coaster to turn the glass of water upside down on the table, spilling water everywhere. They also stole my pen. FML

by brerj09 / 04/28/2014 at 9:35am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

by fuckingfloridahowihatethee / 04/26/2014 at 3:55pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2014 at 5:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

by HeyTherexxx / 04/20/2014 at 9:02pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

by exasperated / 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

by sad but true. / 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

by Ticklish / 04/13/2014 at 5:33am / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

by freakedout / 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

by Brody89 / 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

by BabyButt / 04/09/2014 at 1:50pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML

by AshleyP / 04/04/2014 at 10:17am / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

by wiona / 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love