About Glitterhinoceros : Please forgive if my English isn't perfect :c. My name is Brooke, and I live in Wales, which is in the UK x.X
I love people who are over 6', piggyback rides, toast, any kind of electro/tecktonik music, cuddling, and turtles c: I'm only like 5'2. Sad day. PINKIE PIE, BEEEEST FUCKING PONY.
Llamas. Nuff fucking said. Boners was like, my BFF and stuff :c BABY COME BACK, YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL, ON, ME?
I love people, I'm a happy person, and my family trade is welding x.X As long as people aren't Sidney Crosby, oh my gosh, I hope he dies in a fire, and gets hit by like, an Icecream truck, I just hope he gets like, stabbed by a walrus or something, oh my goodness I just hate him with a passion gaaaah, he ain't faaabulooous.
I love Ice hockey; Washington Captials, Ovechkin is my lover, He just doesn't know it yet. Crosby will die at our wedding.
GOT DEM PAAARAGRAPHS AND SHIT, WRITIN A STORY OVER HERE, AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIIIIME FO PARAGRAPHS, DON'T GIVE TWOO SHITS.
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Today, I lost my virginity to the woman of my dreams. I finished before entering. I'm 28 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36399) - you deserved it (8040)
On 07/22/2011 at 1:00am - intimacy - by James - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34463) - you deserved it (4547)
On 06/11/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by Mom (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33039) - you deserved it (21159) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7223) - you deserved it (39923)
On 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my incredibly self conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7336) - you deserved it (58657)
On 08/19/2010 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by captainocd - United States (Texas)
Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24477) - you deserved it (3326)
On 05/13/2010 at 2:01am - health - by fatpooch (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML
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On 02/14/2010 at 11:32am - love - by Fv-day (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13654) - you deserved it (4491)
On 01/17/2010 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by ChubbyTubby (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went to buy my prom dress. I felt really good as I walked out of the dressing room, until someone walked out of the room next to me wearing the same dress, and looked better in it than I did. It was a man buying it for his drag show. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23396) - you deserved it (2745)
On 10/13/2009 at 1:26pm - misc - by draggirl (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51177) - you deserved it (2551)
On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51755) - you deserved it (24231)
On 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by Ella (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I spent 3 hours washing my hands to get the pony out of the soap bar. I'm 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9103) - you deserved it (38545)
On 06/28/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Soapy (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72722) - you deserved it (7930)
On 05/22/2009 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by herve (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)
Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47468) - you deserved it (11402)
On 05/14/2009 at 8:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
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On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Monday 17 June 2013
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