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About Glitterhinoceros : Please forgive if my English isn't perfect :c. My name is Brooke, and I live in Wales, which is in the UK x.X
I love people who are over 6', piggyback rides, toast, any kind of electro/tecktonik music, cuddling, and turtles c: I'm only like 5'2. Sad day. PINKIE PIE, BEEEEST FUCKING PONY.
Llamas. Nuff fucking said. Boners was like, my BFF and stuff :c BABY COME BACK, YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL, ON, ME?
I love people, I'm a happy person, and my family trade is welding x.X As long as people aren't Sidney Crosby, oh my gosh, I hope he dies in a fire, and gets hit by like, an Icecream truck, I just hope he gets like, stabbed by a walrus or something, oh my goodness I just hate him with a passion gaaaah, he ain't faaabulooous.
I love Ice hockey; Washington Captials, Ovechkin is my lover, He just doesn't know it yet. Crosby will die at our wedding.
GOT DEM PAAARAGRAPHS AND SHIT, WRITIN A STORY OVER HERE, AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIIIIME FO PARAGRAPHS, DON'T GIVE TWOO SHITS.
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Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML
Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML
Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML
Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML
Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML
Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
Monday 1 September 2014