Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

GiantEyedSuirrel

Search for a member

GiantEyedSuirrel

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 760
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

GiantEyedSuirrel's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of GiantEyedSuirrel's badges

GiantEyedSuirrel's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46238) - you deserved it (6397)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

#21152005
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45759) - you deserved it (5289)

On 05/26/2014 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, thanks to my phone's shitty predictive text combined with me being half-asleep, I accidentally offered my heartbroken buddy "oral support" if he ever needs it. FML

#21151390
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44690) - you deserved it (8799)

On 05/25/2014 at 5:23pm - intimacy - by whoops (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

#21151127
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47355) - you deserved it (7209)

On 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm - misc - by great 1st impression (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

#21151109
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45860) - you deserved it (32615)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:50am - love - by HomicidalPegasus (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend told me that the girl he really likes sees me as a threat. FML

#21149888
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47653) - you deserved it (4604)

On 05/24/2014 at 2:14am - love - by SE011194 - United States (Georgia)

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

#21149457
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42719) - you deserved it (14203)

On 05/23/2014 at 6:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

#21149418
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41098) - you deserved it (4131)

On 05/23/2014 at 5:25pm - misc - by idontevencareanymore (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML

#21148414
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48920) - you deserved it (6052)

On 05/22/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by stillaproudfather (man) - United States

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML

#21148414
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48920) - you deserved it (6052)

On 05/22/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by stillaproudfather (man) - United States

Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML

#21146764
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44718) - you deserved it (6276)

On 05/20/2014 at 10:24pm - kids - by HouseWife - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

#21146270
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53968) - you deserved it (4791)

On 05/20/2014 at 1:27pm - misc - by Q - United States

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

#21102946
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47798) - you deserved it (5909)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:10pm - kids - by I Have Failed (man) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML

#21102694
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40022) - you deserved it (9456)

On 04/02/2014 at 7:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

#21102656
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40247) - you deserved it (5905)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:16am - kids - by IcyWinter - Canada (Manitoba)



FML's blog

  • Freaks's Illustrated FML
  • What's going on? Something weird is going on. I can feel in my bones. Can't you? People are acting weird, as if they're short-fused all of a sudden. There's definitely something…

Friday 1 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: