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About GhostOfPerdition : Atheist, metalhead, musician.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40708) - you deserved it (114334)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year - "why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" he replied - "opposites attract." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35153) - you deserved it (21627)
On 02/28/2009 at 1:55pm - love - by sprocket (woman) - Hong Kong
Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21807) - you deserved it (75866)
On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (141757) - you deserved it (53047)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at a fraternity party, and one of the hosts said over the loudspeaker "turn to the person next to you and picture them naked, then drink a beer if the mental image disturbs you". I turned, only to be face-to-face with my ex-boyfriend. He drank two beers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27470) - you deserved it (3759)
On 02/15/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I went to dinner with my friend and his family. I went to the men's room at the same time as his father, and as we peed next to each other in adjacent urinals the father looked over at me and said "Don't worry, I've seen smaller." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25905) - you deserved it (1720)
On 02/13/2009 at 3:40pm - misc - by samrodpuertorico (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (342781) - you deserved it (22951)
On 02/13/2009 at 10:54am - intimacy - by The Sbeak (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I took my friend to buy a pregancy test. She took it and it came out negative. I decided to re-pee on it to be funny...it turned to positive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43636) - you deserved it (16012)
On 02/12/2009 at 11:34am - misc - by whybia (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6019) - you deserved it (87539)
On 02/12/2009 at 1:00am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62322) - you deserved it (2889)
On 02/11/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by sober (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29558) - you deserved it (2140)
On 02/10/2009 at 7:41pm - misc - by herpderp (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9289) - you deserved it (34142)
On 02/10/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6021) - you deserved it (29004)
On 02/10/2009 at 12:59am - misc - by Tennisplayer (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72185) - you deserved it (13230)
On 02/09/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by douglisk1994 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I decided to come out to a co-worker. She looked at me, then laughed, and said, "You can't be gay, you're fat!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (30301) - you deserved it (2953)
On 02/09/2009 at 5:00pm - misc - by BearMan (man) - United States (Florida)
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