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George597

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George597

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  • Number of visits : 99
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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George597's favorite FMLs

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

#19918073
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18285) - you deserved it (36580)

On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML

#19915477
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5457) - you deserved it (53082)

On 07/09/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by jillie minaj (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

#19915209
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9589) - you deserved it (28651)

On 07/09/2012 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by yeastly (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had my end of year physics exam. I wasn't sure about some stuff, so I hid my notes and textbook in the bathroom. Halfway through, I got up, went to the bathroom, and as soon as I picked up the book, forgot what I was looking for. I can't even cheat right. FML

#19879559
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6173) - you deserved it (46898)

On 07/02/2012 at 3:23am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

#19873048
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36480) - you deserved it (1676)

On 06/30/2012 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, a homeless man asked me for money in a train station bathroom. When I told him I had no money he left. He then returned only to pour a bottle full of urine on my head while I was in the stall. I use a metro card. I honestly had no money. FML

#19861588
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28909) - you deserved it (1798)

On 06/28/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

#19823545
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22472) - you deserved it (6972)

On 06/21/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML

#19822088
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27857) - you deserved it (4249)

On 06/21/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by really (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

#19821696
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6629) - you deserved it (67191)

On 06/21/2012 at 12:11am - work - by daddy'sgirl - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

#19817734
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25158) - you deserved it (3124)

On 06/20/2012 at 8:46am - work - by notanidiot - United States (Michigan)

Today, my parents made a list of all the things they could have done had I not been born. FML

#19812575
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31084) - you deserved it (2995)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by theunborn - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

#19812569
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22819) - you deserved it (15154)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Shelby - United States (Illinois)

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML

Today, I finally turned 21 so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I decided to order a drink. She replied with, "No problem, kiddo." FML

#19810432
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20489) - you deserved it (6074)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:28am - misc - by DerrickUhl - United States (California)

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

#19810073
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42907) - you deserved it (3925)

On 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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