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Today, my 15 year old sister came home at 4am totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about abusing drugs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34036) - you totally deserved it (1495)
On 09/13/2009 at 2:19pm - kids - by BigSister (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today I was eating m&ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering "where is that little bastard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (26317) - you totally deserved it (6196)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so i jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harrassment charges. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15542) - you totally deserved it (8398)
On 08/23/2009 at 12:48am - work - by introuble (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I told my friend how I liked this girl but was too scared to ask her out. He told me "Why? The worst she's going to do is say no." Building confidence I approached her and asked her on a date. Then she replied "Get away douchebag!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41868) - you totally deserved it (2579)
On 08/10/2009 at 5:20am - love - by Rejected (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29134) - you totally deserved it (3848)
On 08/07/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by scarredforlife (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36878) - you totally deserved it (1944)
On 08/07/2009 at 7:35pm - misc - by Screwed (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9395) - you totally deserved it (21630)
On 08/04/2009 at 4:22pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36784) - you totally deserved it (8436)
On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45521) - you totally deserved it (2114)
On 07/21/2009 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by emkatch (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9213) - you totally deserved it (30398)
On 07/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by joedoe (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was testing for figure skating. I was wearing a brand new custom dress that was a halter top. On my first move, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Immediately after retaking the move, my dress snapped open, exposing myself to the judges. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32871) - you totally deserved it (2843)
On 06/28/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by sk8rgurl (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was walking in the park when I saw an attractive girl walking nearby. I approached her to strike up a conversation when suddenly a large fly invaded my left nostril, and became lodged inside. After picking out the bloody fly pieces, I looked up to see the girl walking away, gagging. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38921) - you totally deserved it (2849)
On 05/08/2009 at 9:07pm - misc - by jamblasticus (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
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On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML
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On 04/14/2009 at 4:51am - kids - by poolboy (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet. I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it. As I dried it, some girls were laughing. I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet. Then I noticed my pants were still down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13439) - you totally deserved it (25441)
On 04/03/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by tmac (woman) - United States
