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GO_5

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GO_5

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 18 June 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 562
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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GO_5's favorite FMLs

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

#2103981
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18521) - you deserved it (87841)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

#1930454
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16991) - you deserved it (94740)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

#1927832
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61987) - you deserved it (5797)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

#1881658
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10476) - you deserved it (53924)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

#1837844
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91979) - you deserved it (4994)

On 05/11/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by mistake (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML

#1818659
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67302) - you deserved it (2683)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:41pm - work - by IT_4_Hire (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying, "I can come over today. She thinks I've got work." I think he had the wrong number. FML

#1815283
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78619) - you deserved it (3677)

On 05/10/2009 at 2:46pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to go visit my beloved husband in the hospital. As I went past the nurses station, I heard them talking about the "bastard in Room 303." I went on to visit my husband in room 303. FML

#1801760
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45835) - you deserved it (4763)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:38am - health - by LadyLuck (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML

#1745966
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74909) - you deserved it (3903)

On 05/08/2009 at 10:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

#1681747
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62409) - you deserved it (7211)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
925 comments

I agree, your life sucks (348231) - you deserved it (38602)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was fired because a patron complained that she didn't like the way I kept staring at her kids. I was a lifeguard. FML

#800907
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84089) - you deserved it (3913)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:03pm - work - by Lifeguard (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

#798927
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18947) - you deserved it (144859)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by ohshittttttt (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom and sister both told me that they don't like when I come visit with my boyfriend. They love my boyfriend and think he's great, it's me they have a problem with. FML

#783282
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58672) - you deserved it (4292)

On 04/03/2009 at 2:40pm - misc - by littleone37 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047
1231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (652968) - you deserved it (439414)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)



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