GO_5

Search for a member

GO_5

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 18 June 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 857
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

GO_5's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

GO_5's favorite FMLs

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

by Takuma / 05/20/2009 at 1:10am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

by TwinDad / 05/14/2009 at 11:24am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

by mistake / 05/11/2009 at 5:09am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML

by IT_4_Hire / 05/10/2009 at 4:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying, "I can come over today. She thinks I've got work." I think he had the wrong number. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2009 at 2:46pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I went to go visit my beloved husband in the hospital. As I went past the nurses station, I heard them talking about the "bastard in Room 303." I went on to visit my husband in room 303. FML

by LadyLuck / 05/10/2009 at 1:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2009 at 10:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

by Jinthebar / 05/06/2009 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I was fired because a patron complained that she didn't like the way I kept staring at her kids. I was a lifeguard. FML

by Lifeguard / 04/04/2009 at 3:03pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

by ohshittttttt / 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, my mom and sister both told me that they don't like when I come visit with my boyfriend. They love my boyfriend and think he's great, it's me they have a problem with. FML

by littleone37 / 04/03/2009 at 2:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

by KAAALIS / 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (New York) / Love