About G3K0 : The app doesn't seem to get my birthday right, no matter how much I re-enter it.. Oh well.
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G3K0's favorite FMLs
Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML
by comeuntome / 11/29/2012 at 2:42pm / United States / Intimacy
by ladylol / 11/24/2012 at 8:54am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML
by Whipped Cream / 11/24/2012 at 12:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by wow babe / 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/24/2012 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Love
by Coykoi / 05/16/2012 at 10:19am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Love
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
by Brian / 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by atsukobo / 03/10/2012 at 1:04am / United States / Love
Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML
by wurtabang / 02/09/2010 at 12:27am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML
Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML
by bear92 / 06/19/2009 at 12:25am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by BerryRockstar / 04/21/2009 at 1:37pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML
by Wmsys32pr9 / 03/30/2009 at 1:06am / United States (Washington) / Kids
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…
- Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…