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Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24400) - you totally deserved it (1049)
On 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by prickly (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, it was my 19th birthday. My boss let me out early to celebrate. On my way home I was hit by a man doing 65 in a 40mph stretch of road. My car was completely destroyed. I spent the rest of my birthday sitting in the ER being treated for a pinched shoulder nerve and whiplash. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25610) - you totally deserved it (886)
On 10/11/2009 at 1:09am - health - by WhoDoYouLove6208 (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I hadn't popped the question to her yet. For the last six months, I have been respectfully trying to convince her over protective father to give me his blessing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27926) - you totally deserved it (2471)
On 09/09/2009 at 7:11pm - love - by K-9cop (man) - United States
Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67970) - you totally deserved it (4604)
On 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I fractured my knuckle at the gym. My girlfriend offered to drive me to Urgent Care. As I threw my gym bag in the car, my keys flew out of the bag's pocket and hit her in the face. I spent the whole afternoon getting dirty looks from nurses because of my broken hand and her black eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38387) - you totally deserved it (2526)
On 08/14/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I returned from deployment to Iraq. I came home to discover my wife has been cheating on me the whole time I've been gone. What's worse? My 18 month old son calls the guy 'daddy'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (79287) - you totally deserved it (2452)
On 08/10/2009 at 1:13am - love - by daddynomore (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I decided to visit my girlfriend who lives 20 hours away. Four Red Bulls: $11.50. Gas: $200. Driving halfway across the country to find your girlfriend in bed with another guy? FML
I agree, your life sucks (51055) - you totally deserved it (2703)
On 08/03/2009 at 1:15am - love - by Tuck_My_Life (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I asked my boyfriend to come over for dinner because I had some big news. He said he did too, and came over. After stuffing his face full of food, he broke up with me and said he'd re-enlisted into the marines, leaving in two weeks. I was going to tell him i'm 9 weeks pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42871) - you totally deserved it (2958)
On 07/23/2009 at 12:06am - love - by stupidFML_01 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I had woken up very excited to celebrate my 21st birthday. I roll over in bed and ask my boyfriend if we can go out to the park to have a picnic, considering the lovely weather. He looked up at me and said, "You wish I loved you that much." He rolled back over and slept until 3 p.m. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58126) - you totally deserved it (4902)
On 05/01/2009 at 10:17am - love - by Anon (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my boyfriend called, asking, before I could even talk, to bring a condom- NOW. I had to smile at this request. I went to his house. A blond girl opened the door. He followed shortly, surprised to see me. I'm Celine. She's Cecile. Our names are one apart on his cell. She's my sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (93257) - you totally deserved it (3570)
On 03/11/2009 at 2:26pm - love - by manticora (woman) - Tunisia (Bizerte)
Today, my boyfriend's sister called me to wish me congratulations and ask me when I was due. I said I wasn't pregnant to which she replied "Yes you are, my brother just told us the good news". Long pause. "Oh wait, is this Mary or Morgan?" I'm Morgan. Who's Mary? FML
I agree, your life sucks (46719) - you totally deserved it (1470)
On 02/14/2009 at 11:40am - misc - by morgan (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, a girl invited me over to her dorm room at 3 AM. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to respond to e-mails just before. She said she was tired and then went to bed. I'm a F*ing idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1349) - you totally deserved it (17090)
On 01/22/2009 at 3:34pm - love - by Princeton - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML
I agree, your life sucks (39395) - you totally deserved it (4407)
On 10/13/2008 at 4:23am - love - by Sarah91 -
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