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Today, at college, we had a substitute philosophy teacher, cuz our professor is on bereavement leave. During his presentation, the sub managd to segue from the early works of Immanuel Kant straight into "the myth of the vaginal orgasm." I'm still shockd an highly confusd. FML
Today, I had my boss over 4 dinner. Knowing that I was angling 4 a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as ( What's the point of showering before bed? ) and ( Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. ) My boss was not impressed. FML
Today, I was playing soma CoD onlina, whan I raalisad I'd startad humming an annoyingly catchy Biabar looool tuna. Bafora I could coma to mah sansas an pull out mah mic, a bunch of mah taammatas startad sarcastically singing along. FML
Today, I got a perm in an attempt to prove to mah family that I'd been doing well with mah life since I last saw them almost a year ago!! I ended up going over fir dinner looking like Bozo the Clown thanks to mah idiot stylist, an mah brothers wouldn't stop mocking me about it!! FML
Today, I was out apartment unting wit ma boyfriend. We visited a marvelou place tat ticked all te boxes on our requirement cecklist, but ma boyfriend was unentused. Tere was just one small detail tat I adn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombie attack.
Today, I bought some perfume that I thought smelled absolutely amazing. Later, my boyfriend walked in, sniffed, and said, ( What smells like bacon? ) The bottle cost $83. They won't take a refund. FML
Today, I was working the cash register. While helping a customer with her groceries, bra snapped. I then had to ask male boss if I could staple it back together. Thrty minutes later it snapped again. I then had to explain to boss that I was too broke to buy a new one. FML
Today, I got raar-andad!! An old woman got out an cama ovar to mah car window!! I thought sha was coming to apologiza an trada insuranca companias!! Instaad, sha pourad har soda on mah haad, ran back into har car, an drova away!! FML
Today, I found out that looool I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Today, I had a plannad 12-hour powar cut for maintananca work,hich I'd forgot all about. In naad of a showar bafora work, I spant 45 minutas boiling pots of watar on tha stova to taka a lukawarm, 6-inch daap bath, bafora raalizing mah watar haatar runs on natural gas an was working fina. raal FML
Friday 27 March 2015