About Fuaaad1994 : I like dogs and play football.
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Fuaaad1994's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was taking a shower, I felt something run down my back. Assuming it was water, I lathered up my loofah and scrubbed my back with it, only to hear a gross crunching sound. I pulled back my loofah to see a smushed, twitching cockroach that I had smeared on my back. FML
by kittywings / 04/28/2016 at 9:14pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
Today, I met a cute girl. She seemed really sweet and I was heartbroken to find out that she had fallen on hard times and was living in a shelter. I asked her if I could take her out to lunch. She said, "No." I can't even get a date with a homeless girl. FML
by foreverAlone / 04/04/2016 at 3:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, my dad and uncle got in an argument over money and ended up fighting in the back garden. Only, my dad is a muay thai fighter and my uncle is an MMA fighter, and they're refusing to stop until one of them is out cold. I foresee me driving them both to the hospital before midnight. FML
by enya / 01/18/2016 at 5:29pm / Luxembourg / Miscellaneous
by _Asykes_ / 11/24/2015 at 7:56pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/09/2015 at 9:58am / United States (California) / Animals
by tortureromoretorture / 08/26/2015 at 8:28pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by fire starter / 08/16/2015 at 12:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Not turnt / 07/27/2015 at 3:12pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by psh_idontbite / 03/12/2015 at 11:55pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/11/2015 at 3:40pm / France (Bretagne) / Miscellaneous
by anon / 01/29/2015 at 1:32pm / United States (New Mexico) / Health
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML
by con135 / 01/12/2015 at 8:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/29/2014 at 2:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Health
Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML
by MedStudent90 / 12/11/2014 at 1:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…