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Fruitmonster2's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/24/2012 at 10:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by flyingpuppy / 06/17/2012 at 2:33am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by runner2731 / 06/08/2012 at 4:09am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML
by ugh / 06/08/2012 at 12:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a video of a school play I starred in years ago. I was ecstatic, because it's really the only memento of my childhood I have left. Unfortunately, it started with my grandpa groaning, "Ahh shit," and degenerated into him muttering over the audio about "those fucking commies." FML
by joanne / 05/29/2012 at 1:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML
by cunting cunts / 05/29/2012 at 1:10pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Transportation
Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML
by namenlos / 05/27/2012 at 5:53pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
by anonymus / 05/26/2012 at 9:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML
by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 4:38pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML
by mel / 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids
by flustered / 05/06/2012 at 10:57am / United States (South Dakota) / Kids
by Kwalker3 / 05/06/2012 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by BTM13 / 05/05/2012 at 11:19pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by mhm / 05/05/2012 at 10:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…