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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was at the library, and had finally found the book I'd been looking for, when a man approaches me, says "The main character dies at the end", and walks away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24038) - you deserved it (2097)
On 09/03/2011 at 8:04pm - misc - by haha - United States (California)
Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23980) - you deserved it (2540)
On 09/02/2011 at 8:47am - intimacy - by rochellamaya - Canada (Alberta)
Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13034) - you deserved it (1330)
On 08/28/2011 at 2:18pm - misc - by ant_hater (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21817) - you deserved it (3845)
On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States
Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11993) - you deserved it (1054)
On 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm - misc - by creepedoutlady - United States
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26610) - you deserved it (6619)
On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my boyfriend showed me his penis for the first time. All I could think to say was, "That's a clean circumcision." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20400) - you deserved it (5726)
On 08/06/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by plantfood - United States
Today, I was peeing, and I sneezed. I looked down to see that my gum had flown out of my mouth and gotten caught in my pubes. On the upside I got a new look. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15132) - you deserved it (6253)
On 08/06/2011 at 1:15am - misc - by en3rg1zer21 - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet shih tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23135) - you deserved it (1767)
On 07/18/2011 at 3:40pm - work - by StudMuffinette (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (27261) - you deserved it (5588)
On 07/17/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by douglas - United States (Washington)
Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14602) - you deserved it (32590)
On 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm - work - by sbutler (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28461) - you deserved it (3365)
On 07/08/2011 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Jack - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had to sift through hundreds of pages of legal documents. They were all written in Comic Sans font. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26289) - you deserved it (2858)
On 07/05/2011 at 10:04am - work - by chawlay (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7835) - you deserved it (30420)
On 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm - misc - by Cowgirl_Up37 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9431) - you deserved it (42039)
On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
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