The Scotsman.
Would like to go to the US some day and watch a REAL hockey game !
For any particular questions involving ME directly : frans [at] fmylife [dot] com
Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17247) - you totally deserved it (895)
On 10/14/2009 at 2:19pm - misc - by creepystalkerguy (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, we spread my uncle's ashes at my grandparent's house. We were on a hill overlooking a sunset. It was a beautiful ceremony... until the winds changed direction. Our whole family wound up covered in my Uncle. He's still stuck in my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34514) - you totally deserved it (1926)
On 06/21/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Lee (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47106) - you totally deserved it (2172)
On 06/13/2009 at 2:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32130) - you totally deserved it (7061)
On 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm - kids - by reb2632 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (87909) - you totally deserved it (18896)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and asked, "Mom, why are we so poor?" I replied, in a sweet motherly tone "Honey, we're not poor." She then proceeded to ask, "Then why do you dress like we are poor?" FML
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On 05/16/2009 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36943) - you totally deserved it (23840)
On 05/13/2009 at 6:20pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65063) - you totally deserved it (13332)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend and I were driving back to college. He broke up with me 2 hours into the 3 hour drive. I had to sit in the car with him for the last hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51008) - you totally deserved it (2532)
On 04/21/2009 at 9:13am - love - by 5220 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend brought me breakfast in bed, told me all the things he loved about me, got down on one knee and pulled out the little blue box I had been hoping for, for so long. He opened the box and there was a note inside that said, "April Fools!" FML
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On 04/01/2009 at 9:44am - love - by twstedillusion (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML
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On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I walked in on my elderly great-great aunt sitting on her recliner in the living room. There was porn on the TV. Thinking that this was an accidental channel change, I asked, "What in the world are you watching!?" She replied in her sweet frail voice, "Two lesbians getting it on!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (75093) - you totally deserved it (8920)
On 03/19/2009 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (163894) - you totally deserved it (82319)
On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I babysat 3 year old twins. They have a huge dry erase board hanging inbetween their beds. After they fell asleep I drew a very detailed and large drawing of a penis. When I went to erase it I realized it was in Sharpie. FML
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On 03/15/2009 at 1:47pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
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On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
