About Fortuitous : Be wary of defenestration.
This profile doesn't say much about me, so send me a message about anything. I always reply. My picture is a representation of my ideas about the world.
"Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions."
"Nothing is evil which is in accordance to nature."
"Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."
"Anybody can make history. Only a great man can write it."
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."
To analyze a quote is to gain the wisdom it supplies. To use a quote is to truly understand its meaning.
Now, this is my interpretation of the FML caste system.
1. FML Gods: the radiance of this site (kind of like those dudes on Mount Olympus)
2. FML Demi-Gods: truly respected commenters that you can never, ever win an argument with
3. FML Geniuses: the hilarious Grammar Nazis that have display their prowess in beautifully destroying idiots
Then, everyone else.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24547) - you deserved it (106469)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
I agree, your life sucks (51829) - you deserved it (18219)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML
I agree, your life sucks (19073) - you deserved it (74769)
On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (549847) - you deserved it (35347)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59372) - you deserved it (15523)
On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, a 7 year old girl came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (193251) - you deserved it (18044)
On 03/30/2009 at 1:06am - kids - by Wmsys32pr9 (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (364074) - you deserved it (20241)
On 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (307344) - you deserved it (40954)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (177949) - you deserved it (61465)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was woken out of my drunken state by a guy trying to stick his penis in my mouth. I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23246) - you deserved it (4246)
On 01/22/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)
Monday 20 May 2013
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