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Foos's favorite FMLs
Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML
by FUCK YOU / 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML
by pocketrocket90 / 08/08/2014 at 2:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by younggirl101 / 08/05/2014 at 12:51pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy
Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML
by Emliy / 08/01/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML
by dorrisdoes / 07/28/2014 at 4:47pm / New Zealand / Work
by ChristinePi / 07/26/2014 at 6:09pm / United States (New York) / Money
by Ballsy427 / 07/25/2014 at 8:05am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML
by and the truth comes out / 07/22/2014 at 4:44am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by teegtwo / 07/22/2014 at 1:55am / United States / Intimacy
by thedoc / 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called… Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked "why does it smell… Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new…