:D
Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML
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On 10/11/2009 at 11:42am - misc - by poop (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)
Today, during the opening night performance of our schools musical, while I wasn't on stage I decided to use the restroom. I came out to find two of my fellow actresses putting their hands over my mouth. Apparently, I had left my microphone on and everyone heard me using the restroom. FML
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On 10/03/2009 at 9:47am - misc - by Porcelain (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML
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On 09/28/2009 at 3:15am - misc - by ripfluffy (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my 118 year old house went from "family dwelling" to "official crime scene". 2 bodies were discovered under the cement in the basement when we began renovations on our new family home. FML
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On 09/24/2009 at 3:13pm - misc - by amory (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML
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On 09/16/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by nipped (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML
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On 09/09/2009 at 5:20pm - love - by nick2.0 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidently pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML
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On 09/07/2009 at 3:21pm - misc - by ilovefootball (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML
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On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML
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On 08/30/2009 at 4:17pm - misc - by lily (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was doing my monthly day of laundry. Apparently, I didn't check all the pockets in my jeans and missed a lighter in a back pocket. The firemen said an exploding drier was the most interesting call they have got this year. FML
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On 08/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by boompockets (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML
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On 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by AreYouSerious (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML
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On 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm - love - by litterbox_girl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was driving on the freeway and there was a dead animal (I think a cat) in the road. The car in front of me decided to merge over. It kicked up part of the dead animal and sent it flying through my open window. I think I got hit in the face with a piece of foot. FML
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On 08/16/2009 at 12:32pm - misc - by travinator121611 (man) - United States (California)
Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML
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On 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by notguilty (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I wore the new bathing suit my boyfriend got me for my birthday to a family reunion pool party. Turns out, it was a gag gift that dissolves after 3 minutes in water. FML
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On 08/15/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
