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About FlyingTortoise : It was a hot day in summer when Dr. Maxwell, a world famous Biogenetic Engineer, wanted to play God. Using DNA from a Goose, a Tortoise, and enough radiation to the Missisipi, he managed to mix these together and create a small, rather humble Tortoise.
Dissapointed by his experiment, he threw said Tortoise through the window and turned around to hit the bottle, but little did he know that on it's way down, the Tortoise, afraid of the fall, spread a pair of snow-white wings like those of a Dove and flew away into the breaking dawn. It is said that the Tortoise still flies to this day, and if you follow it, only time will show what secrets you may discover.
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Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML
Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML
Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML
Thursday 10 April 2014