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FlyingTortoise

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FlyingTortoise

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 41
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About FlyingTortoise : It was a hot day in summer when Dr. Maxwell, a world famous Biogenetic Engineer, wanted to play God. Using DNA from a Goose, a Tortoise, and enough radiation to the Missisipi, he managed to mix these together and create a small, rather humble Tortoise.
Dissapointed by his experiment, he threw said Tortoise through the window and turned around to hit the bottle, but little did he know that on it's way down, the Tortoise, afraid of the fall, spread a pair of snow-white wings like those of a Dove and flew away into the breaking dawn. It is said that the Tortoise still flies to this day, and if you follow it, only time will show what secrets you may discover.

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FlyingTortoise's favorite FMLs

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

#19932634
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25382) - you deserved it (2851)

On 07/13/2012 at 1:08pm - kids - by Marjorie (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML

#17627685
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15601) - you deserved it (53222)

On 08/31/2011 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I was working my shift at the restaurant as a waiter when the girl I've been in love with for 4 years came in with her boyfriend. He asked me to hide the ring in their dessert. FML

#13365724
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42353) - you deserved it (5999)

On 10/08/2010 at 12:55pm - love - by ringhider (man) - France (Lorraine)

Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

#8119072
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19346) - you deserved it (4576)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

#379230
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125050) - you deserved it (36481)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by asleepinclass (woman) - Poland (Warszawa)



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