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FlowerMama

Offline (the 09/04/2014 at 8:32am) | Search for a member

FlowerMama

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 377
  • Number of comments : 39
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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FlowerMama's page activity

Visits<b>Jessj958</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 2:23pm<b>Ewelty3</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 6:02pm<b>drshn</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 12:24pm<b>Whiplash169</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 11:29pm<b>worldclassrager</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 8:34pm<b>LordPopo</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 5:18pm<b>inner_peace</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 8:00am<b>babeybazooka</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 6:05pm<b>GirlGamer12345</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 10:06pm<b>Bafrinn</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 8:40pm<b>JonnyBoy18</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 4:37am<b>Patty410</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 8:29pm<b>REALAfroninga</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 5:26pm<b>Comet_Candy</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 5:44am<b>lilprincipessa</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 1:27am<b>Trollx</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 5:25pm<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 5:12pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 11:20am

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FlowerMama's favorite FMLs

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

#21165186
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47675) - you deserved it (5515)

On 06/06/2014 at 5:26pm - health - by FMyBrain (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my wife's cat ran away. After spending a lot of money making "Lost Cat" flyers and driving around for hours passing them out and searching for her cat, he walked downstairs. FML

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

#21146270
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54037) - you deserved it (4794)

On 05/20/2014 at 1:27pm - misc - by Q - United States

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

#21092507
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42373) - you deserved it (8490)

On 03/21/2014 at 7:09am - health - by SeriouslyMakeItStop (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, whilst getting out of the shower, I tripped on the lip of the siding, bruising my middle toe. I fell, and in doing so, squished my cat. She won't even make eye contact and keeps wheezing. I have a feeling she is plotting my death. FML

Today, I was breast feeding my son. Out of nowhere, he bit my nipple hard, causing me to scream in pain. He giggled with my nipple still between his teeth. FML

Today, my mom called to bestow upon me warm holiday pearls of wisdom: "I hope you aren't giving everyone your natural handmade eco-shit again. Gifts should be returnable. And have a price." FML

Today, my grandma threw away my clear retainer thinking it was plastic from packaging. She has done this three times now. They cost 300 dollars to replace. FML

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

#20743795
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78128) - you deserved it (7086)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

#20736762
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48848) - you deserved it (3152)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:35am - money - by what_the_hell (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom. FML

#20735858
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53764) - you deserved it (8457)

On 06/19/2013 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by whatno - United States (Texas)

Today, I had my first job as a wedding planner. I'd spent a year making sure everything was right. After the wedding my friend comforted me by saying, "You had to have known it wasn't going to be perfect." I knew that it wouldn't be perfect, but I had expected the groom to at least show up. FML

#20676942
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41895) - you deserved it (2764)

On 05/21/2013 at 12:10am - work - by future walmart employee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

#20676306
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40971) - you deserved it (2576)

On 05/20/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by hotelbound - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML

#20672345
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38953) - you deserved it (4802)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:30am - misc - by dafuqdidisee (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

#20662624
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55937) - you deserved it (3969)

On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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