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Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He slowly turned to face me, raised an eyebrow, and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17026) - you deserved it (45923)
On 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by fuck you dad (man) - Ireland (Monaghan)
Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26878) - you deserved it (4036)
On 03/24/2013 at 11:56am - kids - by Gixie (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39536) - you deserved it (4877)
On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)
Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31958) - you deserved it (2300)
On 03/21/2013 at 9:31am - misc - by WetWalking - United States (Texas)
Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24717) - you deserved it (19920)
On 03/20/2013 at 7:53pm - animals - by SolaceInRage (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22394) - you deserved it (3487)
On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35148) - you deserved it (11257)
On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19019) - you deserved it (2087)
On 10/28/2012 at 11:39pm - love - by becca (woman) - United States
Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML
I agree, your life sucks (6321) - you deserved it (21259)
On 10/27/2012 at 3:28pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19170) - you deserved it (961)
On 10/24/2012 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13790) - you deserved it (3193)
On 10/20/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by nahalDZ - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (210184) - you deserved it (95013)
On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Monday 20 May 2013
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