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Firegirl741's FML badges
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
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Firegirl741's favorite FMLs
Today, I discovered that my 17-year-old daughter received several weird deposits from Paypal. I checked her phone to discover that she had changed the password for the first time in years. Fearing drugs, I confronted her. She broke down and confessed to selling rare digital Pokemon on eBay. FML
Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML
by thisisstupid_17 / 11/16/2016 at 9:47am / Intimacy
by thismustbewhyivestrivedtobesmart / 11/15/2016 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Holidays
Today, I was hanging out with a guy friend I hadn't seen for ages. The sexual tension was off the charts. We were making out and think were progressing, hands were roaming to both nether regions when I freaked out and blurted out, 'But aren't we just friends?' We then sat and watched TV. FML
by merchgirl / 11/14/2016 at 5:31am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML
by Nightshade823 / 11/10/2016 at 2:12pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I finally had the house to ourselves, so we had unusually loud sex. Banging bed, yelling obscenities, super rowdy, etc. I then see my mother-in-law out the window. She had let herself in, dropped off a bag and apparently ran out. Thanksgiving is going to be weird. FML
by daughter in law / 11/08/2016 at 1:05am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I thought I was being a good worker by showing a mother and daughter several rooms before they settled on one. Turns out Mommy dearest only wanted a place for her brat to throw a party. The cops found alcohol, drugs, and guns. This from the people who complained about a loose chair arm. FML
by naivemisanthrope / 11/07/2016 at 2:36pm / Work
by Arizonagirl / 11/06/2016 at 2:31am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
by 2in longer / 11/01/2016 at 8:57am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by daidax_238 / 10/25/2016 at 12:33pm / Miscellaneous
by GlennGuagmire / 10/23/2016 at 2:23am / Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah) / Holidays
by tracy4191 / 09/18/2016 at 1:21am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/13/2016 at 12:33pm / United States (Florida) / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and… Today, after hours of non-stop work on an important case, I cheeringly blurted out, "And now, time… Today, I’m a trainee who recently arrived in a prestigious company. My boss walked in on me sorting…