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Ferretface's favorite FMLs
Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML
by noexceptions / 11/11/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by GlassJAwkidE / 10/29/2009 at 1:16am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML
by fmlifetime / 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son's teacher told me that I should take my son to the doctor, because he has been complaining of bad headaches. They ran some tests, and then removed a peanut that's apparently been lodged in his nose for months. FML
by CarolinaD / 10/23/2009 at 10:06am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/22/2009 at 8:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML
by JustEwww / 10/22/2009 at 5:24pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by scarred / 10/22/2009 at 8:30am / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
by uneek_3225 / 10/22/2009 at 1:53am / United States (Nevada) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/21/2009 at 10:58pm / United States (California) / Animals
by booste / 10/18/2009 at 12:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML
by Ohgreat / 10/17/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by gooddriver / 10/14/2009 at 11:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finished moving to my new apartment that is 45 minutes away from my old one because my workplace would be closer. I then get a phone call from my boss telling me that he will transfer me to another workplace (closer to my old apartment). FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2009 at 12:00pm / United States (California) / Work
by dudezilla / 10/13/2009 at 11:52am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, it’s been a week since I arrived in Cuba. Gustav came to visit us. Now it’s Hannah’s turn.…