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Ferretface's favorite FMLs
Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML
by noexceptions / 11/11/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by GlassJAwkidE / 10/29/2009 at 1:16am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML
by fmlifetime / 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son's teacher told me that I should take my son to the doctor, because he has been complaining of bad headaches. They ran some tests, and then removed a peanut that's apparently been lodged in his nose for months. FML
by CarolinaD / 10/23/2009 at 10:06am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/22/2009 at 8:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML
by JustEwww / 10/22/2009 at 5:24pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by scarred / 10/22/2009 at 8:30am / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
by uneek_3225 / 10/22/2009 at 1:53am / United States (Nevada) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/21/2009 at 10:58pm / United States (California) / Animals
by booste / 10/18/2009 at 12:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML
by Ohgreat / 10/17/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by gooddriver / 10/14/2009 at 11:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finished moving to my new apartment that is 45 minutes away from my old one because my workplace would be closer. I then get a phone call from my boss telling me that he will transfer me to another workplace (closer to my old apartment). FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2009 at 12:00pm / United States (California) / Work
by dudezilla / 10/13/2009 at 11:52am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
- Today, as a freelancing musician, I had to pass on the best gig I've ever been offered (worth over… Today, my live in boyfriend has been giving me the silent treatment for the last three days because… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I…