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Ferretface's favorite FMLs
Today, I saw my boyfriend for the first time in a while. When he came over we realized that we had not only gotten the same haircut, but we were also wearing the same sweater. We are a matching old couple at 17. FML
by oldandmarriedapparently / 03/02/2010 at 12:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by ItHurtsLIkeHell / 03/01/2010 at 4:13am / Malaysia (Pulau Pinang) / Animals
Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML
by Ben / 02/28/2010 at 10:46pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
by Anonymous / 02/28/2010 at 7:03pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids
Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML
by Patrick / 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Username / 02/22/2010 at 12:44am / United States / Health
Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML
by anonymous / 02/21/2010 at 10:16am / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML
by weirdo / 02/21/2010 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by analinguist / 02/20/2010 at 2:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Geek
Today, I had to X-ray an 81 year old lady. The clothes she was wearing would show up on the X-ray so I had to make her change into a gown. I found out the hard way that 81 year olds still go commando. FML
by ugamayne / 02/17/2010 at 7:50am / United States (Maryland) / Work
by kingmetal42 / 02/09/2010 at 2:10pm / Miscellaneous
by fbcaught / 02/09/2010 at 1:52pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by mynameislor / 02/09/2010 at 9:26am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML
by wurtabang / 02/09/2010 at 12:27am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2010 at 1:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When… Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away,… Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up…