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Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8057) - you deserved it (30705)
On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18499) - you deserved it (2701)
On 09/28/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15612) - you deserved it (8275)
On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12748) - you deserved it (1192)
On 09/10/2012 at 2:06am - misc - by NotJessePinkmanFFS (man) - United States (California)
Today, I wrote an e-mail to a friend stating how hot my client was. I waited for her response, but received a response from my client stating, "I would readdress this accordingly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4995) - you deserved it (24652)
On 09/07/2012 at 2:49am - work - by guaranteed service (woman) - United States
Today, I had to go into the school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16926) - you deserved it (1907)
On 09/07/2012 at 1:08am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my pregnant wife broke down in tears over the fact that since moving to Brazil for my job, we don't have regular access to macaroni and cheese. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15815) - you deserved it (4161)
On 08/20/2012 at 6:06pm - health - by stupidbullcrêpe (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)
Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15465) - you deserved it (4819)
On 08/14/2012 at 8:17am - intimacy - by cl4ptp (woman) - United Kingdom (Vale of Glamorgan, The)
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25989) - you deserved it (7648)
On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)
Today, I had to scream for my dad to come help me, after I got my hair caught in a fan while trying to make the Darth Vader voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6126) - you deserved it (20542)
Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16570) - you deserved it (3125)
On 08/04/2012 at 7:35am - misc - by llaurenmariee - United States
Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19533) - you deserved it (2366)
On 07/26/2012 at 1:04am - misc - by Just Me (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8863) - you deserved it (31273)
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21801) - you deserved it (2208)
On 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm - misc - by I_Has_A_Fishy - United States (Texas)
Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17224) - you deserved it (2114)
On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)
Monday 17 June 2013
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