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FatMan23's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/01/2011 at 2:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Username / 06/01/2011 at 8:35am / Canada / Work
Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2011 at 10:04am / United States / Intimacy
by no one / 05/21/2011 at 5:07am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy
by cupcakelady127 / 03/23/2011 at 7:25am / United States / Transportation
Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML
by jballer / 03/22/2011 at 1:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML
by failureparent / 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm / United States (California) / Geek
Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML
by krissy / 03/20/2011 at 5:40pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML
by nosleeptilpissoff / 03/18/2011 at 11:54am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
by Almostfunny / 03/16/2011 at 9:01am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal, my son had pooped in the school yard then gave the teacher a ziploc bag and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
by sushi hater / 03/13/2011 at 2:55pm / United States (Colorado) / Health
by dumped / 03/10/2011 at 4:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by fourfootnine / 03/07/2011 at 8:47am / United States (Texas) / Kids
- Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked… Today, after spending months comparing the previous weather forecasts to work out the exact date,… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…