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FatMan23's favorite FMLs
Today, a cute guy in a bar came up to me, and we started chatting. I'm a natural blonde, and he commented on how nice my hair was. He then followed this up with, "Does the carpet match the curtains?" FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2011 at 11:31pm / United States / Intimacy
by TheKunitzShow14 / 08/10/2011 at 3:22am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML
by Jilly / 08/08/2011 at 2:45am / Australia / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 6:57pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Intimacy
Today, my boss sat me down to discuss the sounds my co-workers have heard coming from my cubicle. Apparently my music sounds like the background tracks from shitty soft-core porn movies. I'm getting a three day suspension while they go through all my files. FML
by ImScrewed / 08/02/2011 at 1:47pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Smokey9 / 07/25/2011 at 11:12am / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
by toni405 / 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm / United States / Love
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
by gir / 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by Jack / 07/08/2011 at 11:10am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Yoda / 07/08/2011 at 1:23am / United States (New York) / Geek
by Username / 07/05/2011 at 10:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML
by Stacy / 07/05/2011 at 12:04am / United States / Work
by hadtocleanthemess / 06/28/2011 at 8:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML
by girlshavepenises / 06/28/2011 at 2:39am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy