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Farteroffire

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Farteroffire
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 2506
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Farteroffire's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

#5887611
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32582) - you deserved it (6142)

On 10/18/2009 at 10:33pm - kids - by MGZ (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML

#5869946
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13549) - you deserved it (35359)

On 10/17/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by Lovenotes (woman) - United States

Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML

#5865685
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35954) - you deserved it (6618)

On 10/17/2009 at 1:11pm - misc - by AdriBAMF - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML

#5848105
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36269) - you deserved it (1901)

On 10/16/2009 at 3:27am - health - by dentistvictim (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

#5846674
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23873) - you deserved it (2781)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML

#5841852
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6170) - you deserved it (51641)

On 10/15/2009 at 1:04pm - kids - by hatelittleboys (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML

#5839452
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30085) - you deserved it (4257)

On 10/15/2009 at 3:07am - love - by Achoo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84207) - you deserved it (13910)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in bed sick from pneumonia. I asked my boyfriend to nuke a can of soup for me. He said "in a sec, let me finish this game" and continued to play on his Xbox for an hour. Starving, I crawled out to make soup. When I sat down to eat, he paused the game and asked "you didn't make me any?" FML

#5826469
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36225) - you deserved it (4733)

On 10/14/2009 at 9:00am - health - by tooflufoschool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I won an award at school for my hard work. Afterwards, my parents told me off. Why? They wanted my brother to get it instead of me. FML

#5825419
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31629) - you deserved it (1419)

On 10/14/2009 at 4:21am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML

#5815085
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29735) - you deserved it (3236)

On 10/13/2009 at 11:52am - love - by dudezilla (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML

#5788533
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33641) - you deserved it (1866)

On 10/12/2009 at 12:16am - work - by selfdefense - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I had to crown the homecoming queen, a responsibility of mine as class president. It just happened to be that the queen is my ex-girlfriend that I still love, escorted by her new boyfriend. FML

#5786239
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33548) - you deserved it (3414)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:48pm - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my wife asked me if she looked cute in a new dress that she bought earlier today. I told her that she almost looks like a supermodel. Appearantly "almost" doesn't cut it. Guess who's sleeping on the couch. FML

#5785501
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29642) - you deserved it (10454)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by keepmouthshut (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML

#5779716
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34167) - you deserved it (10236)

On 10/11/2009 at 5:24pm - love - by pinoyson (man) - United States (California)



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