Farteroffire

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Farteroffire

0Fucked!

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  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 7715
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Farteroffire's page activity

Visits<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 1:43pm

Farteroffire's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Farteroffire's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 5:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was working my job at Sephora when I overheard two women talking. One of them asked her friend, "Is being pretty a requirement to work here?" Her friend turned to see me, turned back to her friend and said, "I guess not." FML

by uglyyyyy / 10/28/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

by bubblensuds1 / 10/28/2009 at 12:22am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

by dumped / 10/27/2009 at 7:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was reading in my bed, and my cat was lying on my chest. I noticed something white on my cat's leg. I'm far-sighted and wasn't wearing my glasses, so I didn't see what it was. I touched it and put on my glasses. Turns out it was a worm hanging out of my cat's anus. It started wiggling. FML

by K.H / 10/26/2009 at 12:42pm / Sweden (Dalarnas Lan) / Animals

Today, I searched myself on Facebook. I have a fan page made by some girl in Wisconsin. She has pictures of me on it. Can you say stalker? FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2009 at 8:21pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML

by Kin / 10/25/2009 at 4:48pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2009 at 2:28pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML

by fmlifetime / 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

by sexyswollen / 10/24/2009 at 1:14pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

by Oops / 10/24/2009 at 9:14am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Love

Today, I was playing Farmville all day, and I was really into the game. I was getting phone calls all day, but I kept ignoring them cause I was making so much Farm Money. Come to find out it was my son's school. He fell off the jungle gym and broke his arm. FML

by stewhart / 10/24/2009 at 3:25am / United States (Alabama) / Kids

Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 1:22am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

by JustEwww / 10/22/2009 at 5:24pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work