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Farteroffire

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Farteroffire

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  • Number of visits : 3806
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Farteroffire's favorite FMLs

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

#4983449
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9164) - you deserved it (36716)

On 09/01/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by mrboston (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

#4488799
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97999) - you deserved it (4805)

On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

#4407265
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13872) - you deserved it (53370)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by deflated - Ireland

Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I apologized profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML

#4106
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29231) - you deserved it (9813)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by brighteyes - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

#4051
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17865) - you deserved it (59802)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:04am - intimacy - by DDD - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

#4044
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9605) - you deserved it (45098)

On 01/31/2009 at 9:43am - intimacy - by Ah hell - United States (Ohio)

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

#2696
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15571) - you deserved it (67944)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59120) - you deserved it (7820)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML

#1440
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28485) - you deserved it (8319)

On 01/17/2009 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Perpetually F-ed. - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

#798
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13961) - you deserved it (70646)

On 01/07/2009 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by Lou Czar - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

#768
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33150) - you deserved it (2543)

On 12/31/2008 at 10:49pm - intimacy - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

#552
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51867) - you deserved it (6306)

On 12/19/2008 at 11:05am - intimacy - by chicochico - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was jacking off casually to a picture of my ex-girlfriend, when all of the sudden, my friend sends me an IM picture of a granny bending over which pops up on my screen. I think my sex life is ruined forever. FML

#539
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16789) - you deserved it (27840)

On 12/17/2008 at 11:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

#452
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71468) - you deserved it (3954)

On 12/05/2008 at 3:12am - intimacy - by Mak1 - Belgium (Brabant)



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