Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Farteroffire

Search for a member

Farteroffire

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3178
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Farteroffire's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Farteroffire's favorite FMLs

Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

#6563359
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48686) - you deserved it (3501)

On 12/02/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by errrmkl46 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

#6439149
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70104) - you deserved it (11909)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend of one year when an attractive girl walks over. She asks him, "Is this your girlfriend?" He replied "That depends... are you single?" FML

#6404510
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42394) - you deserved it (3323)

On 11/22/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by Rejected. (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I was finally able to hang out with a girl I really liked at a party. We had a great time and spent hours together. When I leaned in for a kiss at the end of the night, she stopped me and said that "you're a great guy, but we can't go out because you'll be bad for my social reputation." FML

#6403006
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35061) - you deserved it (3300)

On 11/22/2009 at 10:11am - love - by Jason (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

#6392894
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12580) - you deserved it (34164)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by jibberish (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML

#6378888
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41512) - you deserved it (6632)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. Later on, his mom pulls me aside and tells me to back off, saying he will never marry someone like me and he should be with a nice girl like his ex. They broke up after he found her in his bed with his roomate. FML

#6369403
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33881) - you deserved it (1820)

On 11/19/2009 at 3:09pm - love - by thenewone (woman) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

#6340257
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11395) - you deserved it (33761)

On 11/17/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by Araya (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I ran outside to start my car before leaving for work. My creepy neighbor was sitting outside smoking a cigarette. He told me he just loves watching TLC, too, and we should watch TV together sometime. I've never talked to him. I watch TLC in my bedroom. He watches me through my window. FML

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

#6322729
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17297) - you deserved it (34424)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

#6318893
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43570) - you deserved it (2042)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

#6316031
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58940) - you deserved it (3602)

On 11/15/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I wore my cool new shirt with an oriental character on it to class. The Chinese TA burst into laughter and told me the shirt read, "I am a sad, pathetic person." FML

#6301645
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10467) - you deserved it (36953)

On 11/14/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by Molly (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML

#6300869
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36775) - you deserved it (2441)

On 11/14/2009 at 1:38pm - love - by asthma_attacker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML

#6287129
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10301) - you deserved it (47872)

On 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm - health - by yellowjacket_34 (man) - United States (Montana)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: