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F_Ur_Lives's favorite FMLs
Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML
by Respect101 / 06/25/2014 at 8:20pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by failed dad / 06/25/2014 at 8:30am / Greece (Attiki) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 5:27am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML
by help me / 06/01/2014 at 11:51am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
by Mem / 05/30/2014 at 4:07pm / Sweden (Gavleborgs Lan) / Miscellaneous
by Idk / 05/29/2014 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by angelamegan21 / 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by Yeppets / 05/28/2014 at 12:13am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Birthday Surprise / 05/26/2014 at 5:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I collected my students' final essays. One of them submitted a printout of a screenshot he took with his phone. Too bad a browser address bar was still in the shot, along with a "click to read more" link at the bottom. My students are too dumb and lazy to even plagiarize properly. FML
by What am I doing with my life? / 05/22/2014 at 12:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, in the middle of my boyfriend finally giving me an orgasm, I had an anxiety attack, which caused him to have an attack of his own. I guess there is such a thing as having too much in common with your partner. FML
by Anonymous / 05/20/2014 at 12:31pm / Singapore / Intimacy
Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm / United States / Love
Today, I received yet another rejection letter from a college I'd applied to. After crying for a week about how lousy I felt, my older sister gave me all 6 of the acceptance letters she'd been hiding. Turns out she's been forging rejection letters and keeping the real ones in her room. FML
by livingamongtheflowers / 05/15/2014 at 1:40am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, everyone at the office was finally presented with the bonuses our boss had promised to pay us by the end of last year. Turns out he was never authorized to promise any such thing, so he ended up just giving us signed "thank you" letters instead. FML
by Anonymous / 05/13/2014 at 3:23pm / Canada (Prince Edward Island) / Work
Today, in a waiting room, my 4-year-old daughter told me she saw two guys kissing. I quietly explained that some men like men, they're gay, and normal like everyone else. I was pleased with myself until the woman across from me scoffed and muttered, "Disgusting." FML
by Anonymous / 05/13/2014 at 1:42am / United States (Nevada) / Kids
- Today my dog left a present for me at the top of the stairs. I didn't turn on the lights when I was… Today, I realised I had made a major typo on one of my price lists for my new business. I've been… Today, my boyfriend once again accused me of cooking food with too much fat, making him gain 35 lbs…