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Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34086) - you totally deserved it (1521)
On 07/17/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by heresmybellybotton (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I got an email from a local company looking to have a website made. I looked over their request and provided them with a reasonable offer. I got an email back stating that they would like to pay me with liquor instead of money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24779) - you totally deserved it (2221)
On 07/17/2009 at 2:05am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4097) - you totally deserved it (32697)
On 07/01/2009 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18259) - you totally deserved it (27846)
On 06/30/2009 at 12:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out her second story bedroom window taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned 'My baby's first kiss!' FML
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On 06/28/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by steven (man) - Cayman Islands
Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML
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On 06/25/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by Emptyspace (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7896) - you totally deserved it (40149)
On 06/25/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by nail714 (man) - United States
Today, I was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: "Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I'm talking to her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28773) - you totally deserved it (8113)
On 06/25/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by embarrassed4life (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27941) - you totally deserved it (2763)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:16am - health - by usmcpain (man) - United States
Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8344) - you totally deserved it (35744)
On 06/18/2009 at 9:32am - misc - by OompaLoompa (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11264) - you totally deserved it (31002)
On 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by NotSoYoung (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44955) - you totally deserved it (1934)
On 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Shaun (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33053) - you totally deserved it (7874)
On 06/15/2009 at 3:11pm - love - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States
Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why he said. "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied". FML
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On 06/14/2009 at 1:42am - kids - by andthatshowitgoes (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks i'm a child-beater. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38511) - you totally deserved it (3795)
On 06/12/2009 at 12:49am - kids - by downlowtooslow (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
