About FMLandurstoo : I'm Mitchell and I'm a junior in high school and FML is one of my favorite things to do in my spare time. My favorite Family guy character is Herbert. Just to make it clear, I am straight. I miss the old days of FML with every1luvsboners and DocBastard (even though he's still here).
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Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39306) - you deserved it (4505)
On 02/20/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by allyshah - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (178522) - you deserved it (61542)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7296) - you deserved it (49887)
On 02/16/2009 at 7:24pm - misc - by lunarboy (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8471) - you deserved it (32221)
On 02/08/2009 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by dgordo3 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I changed the C on my report card into a B so that I wouldn't get in trouble with my parents. I spent the entire day perfecting the B's positioning and cut exactly around the edges of the size 10 font and sliced my finger in the process. Turns out, I'm still grounded for getting a B. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12536) - you deserved it (28550)
On 02/08/2009 at 6:50pm - misc - by olivia_stealth (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24483) - you deserved it (8839)
On 02/08/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Misunderstood (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)
Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24483) - you deserved it (8839)
On 02/08/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Misunderstood (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (223509) - you deserved it (37850)
On 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm - misc - by hahahehehohohoo (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15934) - you deserved it (26184)
On 02/04/2009 at 6:23am - animals - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)
Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4852) - you deserved it (37069)
On 02/03/2009 at 2:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)
Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having an affair with for 6 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30871) - you deserved it (241882)
On 02/02/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I have been reading FML for 12 hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29547) - you deserved it (9264)
On 01/31/2009 at 8:51am - misc - by ayw329 - United States (Illinois)
Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50197) - you deserved it (6941)
On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)
Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37814) - you deserved it (6399)
On 01/22/2009 at 6:27pm - love - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was hitting on a girl that was getting ready to walk into the same class as I. We were waiting outside the room, and I told her that I heard the Professor for the course was a total bitch. We walked into the room. I sat down in a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7197) - you deserved it (23901)
On 01/21/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by footinmouth - United States (Iowa)
Friday 24 May 2013
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