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FML_I_AM_A_TOOL

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FML_I_AM_A_TOOL

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 690
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About FML_I_AM_A_TOOL : I love this website and think some of these are hilarious. I read them all the time. I have little FML moments everyday and they are sucky, but it is not so bad when you go online and read some of the ones others have. Good stuff

FML_I_AM_A_TOOL's page activity

Visits<b>rawchelllll</b> - the 04/29/2009 at 3:26pm

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FML_I_AM_A_TOOL's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

#3919884
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83012) - you deserved it (5676)

On 07/21/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by fmjob (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

#3373378
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15660) - you deserved it (49988)

On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, three women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt with a rainbow that said, "We are everywhere". I had just gotten what it was referring to and when I greeted them I ended up saying "Hi gays!" instead of the standard "Hi guys". FML

#2494614
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18647) - you deserved it (46957)

On 06/01/2009 at 6:46am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

#1930337
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (365955) - you deserved it (18934)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. Well while in the movie theater I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said "You're so funny I'm so glad we're friends". FML

#1927790
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56655) - you deserved it (4956)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:22am - love - by heartbreakkid21 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML

#1793303
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30342) - you deserved it (47895)

On 05/09/2009 at 10:05pm - work - by Failoffel (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my parents met my girlfriend for the first time and cooked us dinner. After, I was helping clean up in the kitchen and my dad says to me, "Don't worry, you have to slay a couple of dragons before you get to the princess." and winks at me. She heard. I was going to propose to her tonight. FML

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

#1537905
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102146) - you deserved it (5615)

On 05/01/2009 at 8:46pm - misc - by Flipside (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

#1399688
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60541) - you deserved it (6149)

On 04/27/2009 at 5:50pm - animals - by Tragic (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML

#1383069
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69514) - you deserved it (15024)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:24am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, was my birthday. I purposely didn't log onto facebook all day so that I could read all my birthday wishes at once. When I logged on at the end of the day I had one notification. My "friend" had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like jabba the hut. FML

#1225689
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68837) - you deserved it (8565)

On 04/22/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

#1076233
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45978) - you deserved it (15237)

On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425
693 comments

I agree, your life sucks (712714) - you deserved it (56226)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML

#855959
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22557) - you deserved it (94415)

On 04/07/2009 at 4:44pm - health - by schoolgrlstaci (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML

#829368
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15494) - you deserved it (58055)

On 04/06/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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