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Offline (the 09/17/2014 at 11:56am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 25 January 1971 (45 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 28782
  • Number of comments : 1196
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 21 posted

About Epikouros : Today, I noticed my ear-raping Rebecca Black parody on Youtube has more views than all of my intellectual blog posts since 2004 put together. FML

That's when I stopped blogging and started hanging out on FML.

My favorite commenters are NoorFML, DocBastard, perdix, DjeePee, nerdsgetmehot, Baustigt, Enslaved, The_A_Teen, ElenasBrazilian and Doortje.

Epikouros's page activity

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Epikouros's favorite FMLs

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

by Ow / 04/18/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

by stupiddog / 04/15/2014 at 8:08am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2014 at 9:40pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher used an online program and accused me of plagiarism. According to the program, I plagiarized my own last name. FML

by zoegirl_455 / 04/09/2014 at 5:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

by damn / 04/09/2014 at 5:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my three closest online friends are the same person: my obsessive ex. I met all three before he and I even started dating. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2014 at 2:09pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

by fuck you with a bacon cock / 04/04/2014 at 6:07pm / United Kingdom (Moray) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML

Today, for our 25th anniversary, my husband and I had dinner on a cruise ship, a dinner we had been planning for months. Upon boarding, I realized the expensive dress that I had bought just for the occasion had exactly the same print as the chair covers and the carpet. The cruise lasted 8 hours. FML

by Why / 04/02/2014 at 4:13am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my non-English-speaking grandma bought me a new t-shirt. It would've been sweet if it didn't have the word "bondage" written on the back in pretty, bold letters. I had no choice but to wear it while we went shopping. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2014 at 12:59pm / Egypt / Miscellaneous

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

by BigBlue / 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

by tiredofcrazy / 03/18/2014 at 5:14am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

by Bandking / 03/17/2014 at 5:48pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous