I'm pretty awesome I'd have to say...
That is my son and I in the picture up there...He's pretty awesome too...We're superheroes or something...haha...
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12685) - you totally deserved it (60091)
On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I decided to use my mentor's advice. I told her I had been having some trouble controlling my anger, she told me to throw rocks at trees. I threw a rock at a tree, very hard. It bounced back hit me above the eye. I'm still pissed as shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36662) - you totally deserved it (11205)
On 05/24/2009 at 12:03pm - misc - by untitledentity (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (157422) - you totally deserved it (10525)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was setting up my laptop's fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10727) - you totally deserved it (71392)
On 03/20/2009 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39987) - you totally deserved it (23239)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:40pm - misc - by SmoothTalker (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (216131) - you totally deserved it (238570)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17942) - you totally deserved it (126696)
On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - misc - by Noname - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51681) - you totally deserved it (6274)
On 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by janedoe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (2984) - you totally deserved it (21409)
On 02/03/2009 at 8:14pm - misc - by Still Single (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I took a crap at work. When I go to flush the toilet, it clogs and begins to overflow. I leave the bathroom the way it is and as I walk out, my boss comes in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5733) - you totally deserved it (2560)
On 01/16/2009 at 9:45am - work - by DonPedro - United States (New York)
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