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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 814
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Emmiii's page activity

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Emmiii's favorite FMLs

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26021) - you deserved it (1907)

On 01/09/2015 at 10:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of six years. She got mad at me, saying she is too young to get married and that I was trying to ruin her career. She is 32 and works part-time at a grocery store. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33921) - you deserved it (2739)

On 12/23/2014 at 10:24am - love - by got any coupons? - United States

Today, I was t-boned and my truck was rendered useless. I was given a ticket even though the man who hit me ran a red light. Why? Because there was dirt on my license plate. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31411) - you deserved it (2575)

On 12/22/2014 at 9:22pm - misc - by killerxdeagles - United States (Kansas)

Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32660) - you deserved it (2463)

On 12/19/2014 at 6:27pm - money - by j4 - United Kingdom

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32819) - you deserved it (4231)

On 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by pooplife - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26277) - you deserved it (1840)

On 11/26/2014 at 9:04pm - work - by caterinette - Portugal

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38786) - you deserved it (4212)

On 10/12/2014 at 9:21am - intimacy - by MotherMary - United States (Missouri)

Today, while waiting for a plane, a man in a wheelchair was struggling to get to baggage, so I helped him. I did so without realising that I passed through the "No Entry" gate. What did I forget? My phone, my ID, and my boarding pass. What do you need to get back to the plane? All of those. FML

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36000) - you deserved it (17288)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34120) - you deserved it (3051)

On 09/01/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by s0728 - United States (Texas)

Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45125) - you deserved it (4743)

On 08/31/2014 at 10:55pm - love - by emilyparker - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35691) - you deserved it (8728)

On 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm - kids - by sam_666777 - United States (New York)

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24884) - you deserved it (45004)

On 08/22/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39601) - you deserved it (2972)

On 08/20/2014 at 4:08pm - misc - by sonofaneuroticwench (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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